Team Umizoomi is a cartoon series airing on Nick Jr., usually around 10 a.m. in my city, which is about the time I’m just waking up with my children. And it absolutely SUCKS waking up to this. Team Umizoomi live in a city conveniently called, what else, Umi City and is made up of three characters: Geo, Bot and Milli.
Milli – A 6 year old little girl, I… guess? Her special abilities are related to math, more specifically patterns and measuring. She can change her dress to match any pattern and then project that pattern by singing “Pattern Power”. Her ponytails can also be used to measure things by singing “Milli-Measure”. I don’t know of any 6 year old girls who are 6 inches tall and can do any of the things she does.
Geo – Milli’s 5 year old brother. His abilities are also related to math, specifically shapes. Geo wears a special belt that can create pretty much any-damn-thing he wants by pulling the necessary shapes off of his belt, assembling those shapes accordingly, and then singing “Super Shapes”. He usually uses these shapes to make vehicles to assist the team in their quest i.e. submarines, airplanes, cars, etc. Probably the only thing remotely awesome about this show. However, the fact he wears skates on his feet at all times kind of nulls the cool factor of the vehicle building ability.
Bot – Milli and Geo’s robot friend (whose voice you may recognize as Donovan Patton, the guy who played “Joe” on Blues Clues). Being a robot, he has the ability to extend his arms and legs by saying “Arms Extendo” or “Legs Extendo”. Kind of like Inspector Gadget but more lame. He has a small satellite called the “Umi Alarm” on his head that kind of looks like a robot side pony tail and allows him to receive calls. Calls are projected onto a screen on the front of his body called a “Belly Belly Belly Screen” that allows the team to view videos and pictures as well as have a video conference with someone who needs their help. I’m assuming everyone in Umi City has some sort of video conferencing center that allows them to get in touch with Team Umi Zoomi because how the hell else would they do it? They seem to be speaking into air when they are talking to the team. He also has a storage compartment on the back of his body, called a “Bot-O-Mat”, which conveniently has whatever the team happens to need to complete their mission.
Now, I’m going to go ahead and post some of lyrics to the theme song where the characters introduce themselves:
Milli
“I’m Milli!
I can make any pattern with my dress!
Pattern of – BUTTERFLIES!
PATTERN POWER!”
Geo
“Im Geo!
I can build anything with my shapes!
Triangle. Oval.
SUPER SHAPES!
(Note: Geo built a sail board with the triangle and the oval. Random.)
Bot
“I’m Bot!
I can show you anything on my belly belly belly screen.
Skyscraper. Taxi. TRAAAFFIC LIIIGHT!!”
(Note: Of all the things he could have shown on his “belly belly belly screen”, he shows a skyscraper, a taxi… and a traffic light. Why the hell?)
So, yeah. It STARTS OFF BAD WITH THE THEME SONG. And let’s get back to Bot for a minute. What gave the writers the idea that any of the three things he shows on his “belly belly belly screen” interests children in the LEAST? Was one of the writers thinking about wanting to go the hell home because he was over working on this stupid cartoon? I can see maybe the skyscraper interesting a kid because it’s tall, but a taxi and a freakin’ traffic light? And he gets this whole serious raspy thing going when he’s saying traffic light. Traffic lights aren’t anywhere near interesting enough to warrant any level of seriousness when introducing it on your “belly belly belly screen”. Also, he looks a lot like the Android logo.
To give the show a level of interactivity with it’s preschool audience, the viewer is included in the show as “Umifriend” to help solve problems presented in the episodes. They introduce the viewer as “Umifriend” in every episode, instead of saying something like, you know, “Welcome back Umifriend!”. If kids new any better they would be offended by this because the characters in the show don’t remember them even though they watch the show every damn day. “But it’s just a show!” you say? Well, so was “Friends” and half of the female population of Earth went out and got their hair did like Jennifer Aniston. Kids take this show just as seriously.